She was never the type to preach against premarital sex. In fact, she liked the idea of premarital sex. Her mum came from a family of six children. One boy and five girls and all five girls (her aunties) had had sex multiple times with multiple people before they got married. And from the moment she was old enough to talk about sex, they’ve always rung it in her ears that sex was meant to be enjoyed by the male as much as the female (Aunty Yemisi would say “If you want to be gay too, sha just tell us”). They would tell her her body belonged to her first, and she should do whatever she wanted with it. They encouraged her to have sex if she wanted. To enjoy sex. Of course they also taught her about STDs and STIs and about condoms and the several forms of contraceptives that they knew about. They also taught her that sex was more than just sex. Sex was a tool. They taught her that sex was a means of power play. Sex was an apology. Sex was agreement. Sex was spiritual, and sex was wild. They taught her everything.
Her knowledge on sex and related acts and paraphernalia was wide. Wide.
But even with all that knowledge, it still took her years before she had her first taste for sex. She waited patiently till she was in part 4 before she knew she was ready.
It had been hard of course. She started dating officially in her second year and she had dated four men (boys really) in two and a half years and she had funny experiences with each of them. From the one that had just watched Fifty Shades and had wanted her to be his object of physical pain, to the one that was always pulling her hand to his penis like she was supposed to be super excited about it or something. Then there was the one that they had dated for three weeks before she had found incest porn in his phone. There was even one that had almost bitten her nipple off in the name of making out. Things that she laughed about when she remembered them because who taught them about sex??
The first three of them had come and gone within a year, and she had taken a few months break before she dated again, and she was glad she did. She was glad she was available when Kevin asked her out. She had met him talking to one of her friends and he had given her a funny proposal.
“Hi, I’m Kevin. I don’t know if you remember, but Sade introduced us the other day at the computer room…remember??
I thought you looked nice and I wanted to ask you out, but you left early, before we had a chance to talk…
So here is the deal…we go on three dates in one month. Two on me, one on you. We don’t exchange contacts till after the second date, and after the third date is where you decide if you want a relationship with me or you think we’ll be better as friends. Or you don’t want to see me again. It’s up to you. Does that sound good??“
She didn’t even remember ever having met him and she thought it was a joke until the evening when Sade (their mutual friend) had come to ask her
“Kevin said should he dress casually or he should go a little corporate??”
Fortunately for her, he had asked an hour to the date so she had just enough time to throw some clothes on and take an okada all the way there. She was late by thirteen minutes, but he didn’t say anything about it.
The second date came and went.
The third came and went too.
She told him she would need a fourth date to make up her mind, and he obliged even though by that time, she had started telling all her friends that they were dating. The fourth date happened and it went well.
Then they started going to each other’s houses. This was rather tricky because Sade had never been to his house, so she couldn’t vouch for her safety or his behavior when they were alone, but she still went anyways. She was scared as hell, but she still went anyways and it was more fun than she had thought.
She met his roommate and saw everything his room had to offer. Her first thought was that his room was extra extra neat like he had put in tripled effort because he was expecting her. It made her feel nice, but she wondered what his room normally looked like.
They talked and laughed and he cooked for her. Indomie and egg that he still managed to burn. They played PES on his laptop too. She had thought PES was Purble Palace and had been really surprised when she saw it was football, but she still played anyways.
She kept waiting for him to suggest something sexual to her for them to do, but it never happened. And she went home.
Then he visited her hostel the next week after she had told him she wanted to see his new haircut. All the girls in her hostel kept dropping in to see her mystery boyfriend and he had just thought it was funny. “I feel like I’m famous or something”
That was the day they ever did anything that was remotely related to sex.
She made him lie down on her bed and then she lied down on top of him without a bra so he could feel the softness of her breasts on his chest. She took his hands from where they were lying limply in the bed to rest on her behind. Then she kissed him and told him she liked his haircut, but he should keep it full so she could run her hands through it.
He wanted to say something in return but it came out as a high pitched whine like someone was blocking his throat and that had been really funny.
That had been the day she saved his number as ‘Girl Voice’
That was a year and two months ago.
Fast forward to last week when they had been out with a couple of their friends and someone had made a generalized joke about girls and his reply had been “nah, Kanyin is not like that. I don’t know about other girls o, but my Kanyin is not like that. All of you just have bad luck with picking girlfriends”
And he looked at her and winked before moving on with the conversation with the guys.
She looked at him in admiration and awe and that was when she realized that she was ready. She wanted to have sex, and she wanted to have sex with him.
So that night after they were all done and he saw her to the gate of her hostel, she stood on the toes and whispered in his ears what was going to happen on Friday when she came over to his place to spend the night, then she kissed him on the cheek and walked inside. He just stood there, frozen with a childish smile on his face that was there all night.
Wednesday came and rolled by.
Thursday came too.
Then it was Friday, and it was 8pm, and she called him that she was on her way, and he said okay.
And then she was knocking on his door at 8:17 with her heart in her mouth and he opened it for her.
She sat down and dropped her bag and they talked for the first few minutes, trying to skirt the issue. Then there was an awkward silence.
Then they started smiling at each other, then she went to sit with him on his bed and the whole process started.
It hurt, but she wanted it. And she had gotten it.
But the thing about sex was that no one had ever mentioned to her what the post coital norms were.
He was lying on his back with his hands behind his head, staring at the asbestos and she was lying on her side and resting on him and she didn’t like the silence between them. She was more nervous about now than she had been an hour before. She wasn’t going to say anything, but she needed to hear him say something.
“Hey…” He turned his face to her. “…was it good??”
“Was it good??” He repeated, wanting to know if he heard her right.
He had heard her right. But it was still funny to him. So he just smiled at her and went back to staring at the asbestos. But she wasn’t letting this go.
He turned to her again and he realized that this was important to her, so he answered.
“Tell me…I want to know”
He didn’t reply her. Not because he didn’t want to. Because he wasn’t sure how to.
Now she was getting scared. And the next words out of her mouth were “Did I do it better??”
This was getting a little out of hand, so he turned and faced her squarely.
“I can’t answer that…I don’t know if you did it better or not because…if I said you did it better…that would mean that I have some kind of prior experience…that I’ve done it with someone else, and I haven’t done it with anyone else. This was the first time for me as it was for you.”
She hadn’t known what she was expecting to hear, but this was okay for her. It was very okay for her…
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